How to Raise a Seed Round for Your Inner Child
Your inner child is undercapitalized. This is the single most important sentence in the modern founder's life, and almost nobody is saying it.
The traditional venture model funds external companies. We propose a parallel instrument: a SAFE note on your unmet needs. We invest in the version of you that was told, at age seven, to stop drawing.
Liquidation preference is non-participating. Valuation cap is set at the moment of the original wound. Pro-rata is automatic in subsequent integrations.
Returns are measured in years of therapy avoided, plus uncapped emotional upside.
This article is satire. SpiritTech Collective is not a real organization, fund, or movement. Any resemblance to actual founders, firms, or frameworks is entirely intentional and entirely affectionate.