Awakening Tools · Interactive Liturgy

Calibrate your inner stack.

Five satirical instruments for the modern aligned operator. None of them are diagnostic. All of them are free. Most of them are funny on the second use.

The instruments.

Tool 01

Generate Your Startup Mantra

For board meetings, breath sessions, and pre-pitch alignment.

"Composable breath unlocks the next consciousness primitive."

Tool 02

Founder Ego Purification Score

I check ARR before brushing teeth.

My LinkedIn headline contains 'building'.

I have raised at a valuation I cannot defend.

I have ghosted a co-founder.

I refer to my therapist as my 'executive coach'.

Your score

60 / 100

Notable shadow. Schedule a sound bath this quarter.

Tool 03

Consciousness Unicorn Calculator

Consciousness ARR ($M)

Chakra Utilization: 70%

Implied valuation

$164M

Pre-money, pre-ego, pre-due-diligence.

Tool 04

Spiritual Buzzword Generator

For decks, manifestos, and the awkward part of standup.

non-extractive sacred OKRs

Tool 05

VC Enlightenment Alignment Test

Do you believe carry vests in this lifetime?

Have you cried in a board meeting?

Is your north star metric also a celestial body?

Would you take a 2x return over a 10x if it preserved presence?

Reading

Misaligned. Please return after a 10-day silent retreat.